Fun fact about me #3

I received my first camera when I was a wee child... along with a black & white film. The camera was actually an old one which had belonged to my Dad, but I loved it & took lots of photos of my family with it... 

Later, when I was 17, I spent a whole summer working for a lovely family in their stationary shop. I spent all my earnings from that summer on my Pentax SP1000 camera & have taken so many photos on it that I have no idea how many thousands... it travelled to the UK with me in 1995 & to New Zealand in 1989, even the Philippines in 2003/4.

 It took me a while to embrace digital photography - but once I did, I did it with passion!!!

Now I tend to photograph every experience, even if it's just walking to the shops... I like to capture the world from my own personal viewpoint!  

As a footnote, it took me a while to realise that my Grandfather, Jack Arthur Ritchie Martin, was also a photography buff... he snapped pictures of my Grandmother, Helena, as well as places, family, events & holidays... I just wish he'd written more about them on the back or put them in albums with notes attached...  It is lovely to know that we shared a passion in common, though!

Fun fact you might not know about me #2

I eat m&ms in colour order from darkest to lightest... I have done this for many, many years, maybe as long as m&ms have been in my life! I have tried to work out why I do so, & the only thing I can think of is that I also eat jelly beans in order of my favourite flavours. I dislike the black ones badly, so I usually start by giving them to someone who'll appreciate them (aniseed... Blegh!) then go to purple & so on through to my favourite which is white! For some reason they are delicious! (not even sure what their flavour is, but it might be vanilla-ish...) 

Fun fact you might not know about me #1

After working in retail for over 10 years (while I was also an unemployed actress) I still "face up" my bank notes in my purse... I also keep them in order from the lowest denomination in front to the highest in the back... there's usually little difference between them, however, as I rarely have any "big notes" in my purse! British ones are easiest to face up, as we have HM Queen Elizabeth II on one side of each note! (above photo: British bank notes)

above: Australian polymer bank notes - traditionally the smallest denomination features the reigning monarch on it's face. The other notes feature Australians who are considered to have furthered the development of the nation.

above: Euro bank notes... the highest denomination I have ever held is a 50 Euro note.

Return to the blog...

Wow! Look at at that! A whole year on...

I just didn't have the heart to write about self-improvement when I was struggling just to make ends meet. My weight went up & down & up again as I comfort ate my way through 4 house-moves & the stress of what to do when one situation failed & another was miserable for me. I loved working with CJ & MJ, the boys whom I cared for in 2012, & who are still very precious to me! I really loved their parents, especially Kathy who is one of those rare people who lives by the compassion & action that Jesus showed us... time & again she has said the right thing, or done something, put wheels in motion for me just when I most needed it. I count her a very precious friend & feel so very blessed to have her in my life. The boys also continue to fill me with joy & I love the opportunities to spend time with them, either visiting, catching up for a meal or babysitting when their new nanny is not available.

I love my new boys, JJ who is 4 years old & his little brother AJ who turned 20 months today. They are bright, alert, creative, fun, funny, challenging, talkative... all the things you'd expect of pre-schoolers! I am constantly exhausted at the end of the day. Living with a family again is something I appreciate more now that I've done the "live out" option for over 12 months... London is expensive & the impact of living with someone who didn't want me there, just wanted the rental income, was brutal. I now love my little room, under the roofline, with the shelves & wardrobe built in to suit me, the TV bought for my entertainment & a family I love & feel completely at ease with..

I am making regular payments & inroads into the debts which have been eating away at my sanity & my soul, making sleep difficult & life a nightmare at times... it is impossible to overstate the stress which comes of inadequate income & demanding debtors... No wonder I comfort ate myself to almost 100kg. Not something I am proud of, but something I need to aknowlege, forgive myself for & move forward.

I weighed myself & had an analysis of my body fat yesterday. The results were pretty shocking. 98.0 kg (although last time I weighed myself I was 99.8 which was really a shock!) My body mass index (BMI) is 35.6 which is very overweight (although the national average is 33.2, a good BMI is 29), My body fat is 44.5% of my overall weight!! That is really horrific as far as I am concerned! If I lost most of my body fat I would weigh just over 50kg, but a safe, healthy weight for me would be between 50.9 & 68.8... I think at this stage I'd be thrilled to get down to the 70s for the first time in over 2 decades...

Clearly I do need to take stock anew & get more excersise into my life, reduce sugar & fats in my diet & reduce the quantities I am consuming...

I'll keep you updated.

55 Things to Accept Right Now...

 From:  Elizabeth Potts Weinstein  "Live Your Truth"

I saw this & I am sharing it here in my blog with credit to Elizabeth Potts Weinstein. Many lines jumped out at me, reminding me of a specific situation or relationship, thought or past experience & I wanted to have it where I would look at it again, & could share it with my friends... I hope it speaks to you, too. ~Mem

You cannot make them love you.

You cannot make them understand you.
You cannot make them forgive you.
You cannot make them accept you. Respect you. Be faithful to you.
You cannot make them accept themselves. Forgive themselves. Love themselves.
You cannot make them accept each other. Forgive each other. Love each other.
You cannot make them let the forgiveness in.
You cannot make them let your love in.

You cannot fix them.

You cannot save them.
You cannot defend them or protect them from everything.
You cannot keep them from being hurt.
You cannot make them give up that addiction.
You cannot make them accept your help.
You cannot make them accept the brilliance and beauty of who they really are.
You cannot bring them back from the dead.
Those you love are never really gone.

You are not broken.

You are not defective.
You are not alone.
The darkness called addiction, depression, lonely, anxiety – it lies. I promise.

It can get better.

It will get better.
Change is inevitable.
You have hit a turning point of infinite possibility.

There is a reason you are here.

You have a purpose.
You have a point.

You are powerful.

You are important.
You change people’s lives.
You are a good mother. Father. Sister. Brother. Daughter. Son. Wife. Husband. Partner. Lover. Friend.

You change the world, just by your very existence, just by being a full expression of who you really are.

You are loved.
You are understood.
You are accepted.
You are beautiful.
You are enough.

There is nothing wrong with you.

You are perfect, just the way you are.

You are brave.

You are strong enough to handle anything.
You will be given what you need.
You are capable.

You are forgiven.

You are whole.
You know your truth.
You know your purpose.
You know what you must do.

You are the architect of your own life.

You are going the change the world.
You are going to do your great work.

You write your own future. 

There is no impossible.

Today is a new day.
 

Inspiration...

Sorry I don't know who created this beautiful image... I found it on Murial's Good Sense of Humour on facebook here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Muriels-Good-Sense-Of-Humour-Quotes-Pics-Sayings/166181823474070

I am going to remember this - I thought I'd put it here so others can also think about how we're all supposed to march to the beat of our own drum! It doesn't mean we're out of time, just that we're creating original compositions!

Back from the brink...

If you were one of the lovely people who subscribed to my blog when I first started it, then I must appologise for keeping silent for so long... Soon after I wrote the first couple of entries & found myself on a downward spiral, as first my health was under scrutiny & I was scared more than I admitted as a cardiologist described my stumbled-upon symptoms as "sinister", then I was fired (due to the possibility that I had a heart condition) & that meant I lost my home (due to the fact that I was a live-in nanny). I had 12 days to move out & then I was without an income or a space of my own... To top it all off I had almost no money due to a problem with my salary, & a recent holiday (which had been booked almost a year earlier).

Thankfully I have some amazing friends & family who gave me a place to sleep, sometimes for a week or more at a time. I cannot thank Siobhan, Annie & Michelle, Bridie, Steve & Elly, Nicci, Wendy & Frank, Rebecca & Naomi & my amazing, new-found friend, Amanda as well as Sheilah & D'artagnion (the Welsh Springer Spaniel). I have also been house-sitting & looking after the gorgeous Working Cockerspaniel, Lucca, for Leeanne & Brett, Bella & Bashi while they've been away, which has been an absolute blessing! I have also had friends who have been there for me, keeping me in their prayers & generally helping me to focus on what's important & offering support. Way too many to list, but I will say that without the support of Paula, Katherine, Sally & Simon I would have been finding life even more difficult, & Ali, Russell, Claire & David have been wonderful friends! I cannot stay "down" when I am so blessed with the friends in my life.

I have had so many tests & have been poked & prodded, scanned & dosed with beta-blockers & finally, on 23rd December, I was told that my heart is notably healthy! The arteries around my heart were described as "very, very healthy" & there are no defects or signs of scarring or fibroids, & as far as my heart health is concerned I have a full, long life ahead of me! Terrific! In he mean time beta blockers have slowed my heart rate, & reduced the incidence of VT (ventricular tachycardia) which worried them so much, as well as the ectopic heartbeats (which I've been aware of for many years & which are benign).

I am also starting a new job on 3rd January... I am really looking forward to doing what I love again! This time I shall be working part time, 30 hours a week, with two great boys, a 10 year old & a 7 year old... I shall have access to a Ford Fiesta, which is a great car & having driven it a few times already I am comfortable behind the wheel & find the London traffic in the area is similar to driving in Canterbury or Hawthorn (suburbs of Melbourne for those not familiar with my home town), but I don't have to "dodge" trams!!

I must admit that while I have been unemployed & "homeless" I have been pretty depressed. I have felt helpless & somewhat paralysed when it comes to taking action. During the last 3+ months I've not claimed benefits, although I would have definitely been entitled to them... I have not follwed up on things which might have brought in some extra money & I have found it difficult to communicate with people who mean a lot to me. I have really had to make myself write messages to people on facebook but I have been really disliking myself & finding it difficult to cope with even the littlest setbacks. Feeling oversensitive about criticism, hurt at the slightest thing... I've tried writing emails to people but I don't trust my ability to express anything emotional without it being open to misinterpretation - so I've stuck with generally cheerful comments on people's facebook pages & profiles... all of which are genuine, but also which mask a deep down sense that I am a failure & that if people knew everything about me they couldn't like me... that is the true nature of depression, though.

Anyway - it's a new year... I have a good health report & I have a new job! I am looking forward to new challenges, finding a flatshare or a studio/bedsit to call home... I am looking forward to getting my phone reconnected, my bills paid & looking for ways to earn extra money. I am looking forward to starting study for the first time in 20 years & I am really looking forward to renewing my committment to exploring various ways of improving myself & my prospects.

Wishing you all a safe & happy 2012, filled with achievement & blessings.